Good news, fellow kid-haters! tbti’s favorite book, “No Kid,” has found a publisher in Canada and will be coming out this week. I don’t know what that means about America, but now that the book’s in English it should be a lot easier to get our hands on. We encourage all tbti readers to buy several copies so that we can knock all those stupid mommy memoirs off the best-seller lists.
An article in a Canadian magazine about the book’s publication is chock full of fun sounding kid-free people we need to be friends with. Hmmm…does anyone want to start a tbti chapter in Canada? Here are some tasty morsels-
Elaine Lui was 29 years old and had been married for a year when she and her husband, Jacek Szenowicz, decided that they didn’t want children. “Before that, we didn’t give it a lot of thought,” says the Vancouver-based eTalk reporter who writes the popular celebrity gossip blog LaineyGossip.com. “It was just an assumption, ‘You get married, you have kids.’ ” Front-line exposure to a close relative’s three young children and the work they required provided a wake-up call, Lui says. “That killed it for us. We just looked at each other and said, ‘We don’t want them.’ ”
In the ensuing six years, the couple has been barraged with reasons why they should change their minds, from “Your life will have no value if you don’t” to “You’ll be so lonely when you get old” to Lui’s favourite: “Don’t you want to know what your children would look like?” “Any baby we’d have would be of mixed race,” she says. “So everyone says, ‘Oh, it would be so gorgeous!’ ” She laughs. “And I’m like, ‘Wow, that’s really going to make me want to change my whole life.’ ” It’s a life the couple enjoys: they work together on her website (he handles the business side), golf together, engage in community volunteer work, and dote on their dog, Marcus.
Wow, people who voluntarily don’t want kids and manage to have really fun happy lives in the meantime? Whoda thunk it?
Projects for the weekend- 1. Add LaineyGossip to our blog roll. 2. Find “No Kid” on Amazon. 3. Plan trip to Vancouver. Isn’t there an island there?
Sign posted in 9th Street Espresso:
Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free dog.
“I think women are afraid to say that they don’t want children because they’re going to get shunned. But I think that’s changing too now. I have more girlfriends who don’t have kids than those that do. And honestly? We don’t need any more kids. We have plenty of people on this planet.”
– the beautiful (and environment-loving) actress Cameron Diaz
Model Marie Helvin, who is modeling for the UK department store Marks & Spencer, is 56 and really fucking rad. She also agrees with us a lot! Marie hates leggings, likes pencil skirts, and is adamantly anti-kid.
I’ve had an amazing life, done lots of fantastic things. I never wanted children, so that’s not an issue.” She is very clear on this point, having once had an abortion when she lived in Japan.
Once again, Marie proves that not spawning is excellent for your health, your looks, and your sanity.
Hey, Marie, any interest in starting a London version of tbti? We can’t pay you, but you can totally stay at our apartment whenever you’re in town!
These two chicks are who Josie and I would be if we could sing and didn’t have to conceal our identities:
One of those grownups-only things we love to do here on our island is go check out some Broadway theater. Unfortunately, people are always dragging their little mutants along to come see the play, even if it’s past bedtime and they’re tired or have colic or whatever. Isn’t that why we have those stupid Disney musical plays in the first place, for kids and tourists? But one awesome playwright has written a play that’s not just interesting and apparently good, it’s got a foolproof way to keep babies out of the theater.
Mark Schultz’s play The Gingerbread Man is about a married couple who are bored with life. Obviously, the reason they are bored is because they have kids, which drags everyone’s life down.
Brian (Jason Butler Harner) stirs from his exhausted slouch. “Honey,” he says, “I think we should sell the kids.”
Stacey (Sarah Paulson) responds with a blank stare and a light laugh. “Maybe we can get a new fridge,” she says dryly.
But Brian isn’t kidding. He’s sick of the children. “We can start our lives again,” he says in a coaxing tone. “We can have it back. All of it.”
Mr. Schultz isn’t kidding either. In the queasy discussion that follows, Sarah gradually comes around to the idea of unloading their two young children, through a work associate of Brian’s, to strangers in Albania. In the play’s second scene the deal is struck, and Stacey and Brian are instantly unencumbered.
OK, this is brilliant. That’s the one thing missing from all these articles where people freak out about the economy and how you should give up things and save money and shit – if you have kids sitting around sucking up resources and not even doing anything to earn their keep, it’s time to trim the fat, people. And your baby = the fat.
Seth Rogen is officially our boyfriend. Check out these quotes from a recent interview he did while promoting his kids’ movie, Monsters vs. Aliens:
Now that the movie’s out and I don’t have to promote it anymore, I can say that I hate children. It’s out, it’s made $60 million. I can say it: I hate kids. If no kid ever came up to me, I would be more than happy. These guys bring their kids [to screenings] and I kind of resent them. To me it’s kind of a sacrilegious thing, and the kid would cry. It was horrible.
Funny and hates kids? Talk about a hottie.