Category Archives: baby vs. something better

“no kid” comes to canada

Good news, fellow kid-haters! tbti’s favorite book, “No Kid,” has found a publisher in Canada and will be coming out this week. I don’t know what that means about America, but now that the book’s in English it should be a lot easier to get our hands on. We encourage all tbti readers to buy several copies so that we can knock all those stupid mommy memoirs off the best-seller lists.

An article in a Canadian magazine about the book’s publication is chock full of fun sounding kid-free people we need to be friends with. Hmmm…does anyone want to start a tbti chapter in Canada? Here are some tasty morsels-

Elaine Lui was 29 years old and had been married for a year when she and her husband, Jacek Szenowicz, decided that they didn’t want children. “Before that, we didn’t give it a lot of thought,” says the Vancouver-based eTalk reporter who writes the popular celebrity gossip blog LaineyGossip.com. “It was just an assumption, ‘You get married, you have kids.’ ” Front-line exposure to a close relative’s three young children and the work they required provided a wake-up call, Lui says. “That killed it for us. We just looked at each other and said, ‘We don’t want them.’ ”

In the ensuing six years, the couple has been barraged with reasons why they should change their minds, from “Your life will have no value if you don’t” to “You’ll be so lonely when you get old” to Lui’s favourite: “Don’t you want to know what your children would look like?” “Any baby we’d have would be of mixed race,” she says. “So everyone says, ‘Oh, it would be so gorgeous!’ ” She laughs. “And I’m like, ‘Wow, that’s really going to make me want to change my whole life.’ ” It’s a life the couple enjoys: they work together on her website (he handles the business side), golf together, engage in community volunteer work, and dote on their dog, Marcus.

Wow, people who voluntarily don’t want kids and manage to have really fun happy lives in the meantime? Whoda thunk it?

Projects for the weekend- 1. Add LaineyGossip to our blog roll. 2. Find “No Kid” on Amazon. 3. Plan trip to Vancouver. Isn’t there an island there?

supermodel’s life ruined by pregnancy

Pregnant Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima has this to say about how her life sucks now that she’s with spawn:

It’s funny because I used to love chocolate – I was such a chocolate lover until I got pregnant! But now it just doesn’t appeal to me at all. I haven’t really had any since I got pregnant. “I guess that’s a good thing since it’s chocolate and it’s probably not good for the baby to eat too much sugar, but I hope I get my love of chocolate back afterwards because I really did enjoy it!”

In case it wasn’t clear, Chocolate >>>>> Babies.

kittens > babies

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

baby vs. scientology

Scientologists harass you in the Times Square subway station.
Babies will harass you anywhere they can think of.

Scientologists have tests to see how stressed you are.
Babies just make you stressed.

Scientologists believe that an evil overlord named Xenu trapped thetans in our bodies.
Babies are evil, and until they are born they are trapped in their mothers’ bodies.

Scientologists have an elite group called the Sea Org that is reserved only for their most devoted members.
Babies have playgroups, and think they’re entitled to all public space.

Scientologists attracts celebrities and random crazies.
Babies are treated like celebrities by their parents and drive everyone crazy.

Scientologists claim to be able to cure homosexuality, obesity, and career failure.
Babies cause obesity and career failure. Lucky homosexuals don’t have to worry about birth control.

the new york times

 

It’s not just Josie and Ruby who think you should take back the island, you know who else agrees The New York Times. That right, The New York Times. For all y’all who just caught a glimpse of us and want to get to know us a bit better. Here’s an introduction:
-We have beliefs. Read our Mother’s Day Manifesta.
-We have enemies. Sure we were in the same article as him but much like Gawker and any one else who has a brain we hate Neal Pollack (And a few others). 
-We don’t like babies. In fact, we think most things are better than them. Including obesityParis Hilton and Perez Hilton, and even crocs. That’s right crocs
-We talk about timely cultural and political issues. Like Britney and her little sis Jaime Lynn
-We love a good dead baby joke. Especially on Mondays.
-And when all else fails and life seems meaningless. We like to stare at gargamel.  
With love,
Your New York Times cited fame whores Josie and Ruby

 

NYC things we prefer to babies

New York’s most elite preschools cost between 7 and 10 grand a year. Here’s some other stuff you can buy in New York for about 7 grand:

  • 159 devil’s food cakes from Magnolia Bakery
  • 28,000 copies of the New York Post or Daily News
  • One year’s rent–if your apartment was rent controlled and cost about $583 a month
  • 47 prix fixe dinners at Jean Georges
  • 85 one month unlimited metrocards
  • A Pamela James handbag
  • 46 reasonably good tickets to Spamalot
  • About ten pairs of Manolo Blahnik shoes (depending on size and color, of course)

baby vs. old people

Old people moan quietly.
Babies shriek at the top of their lungs.

Old people employ sophisticated emotional manipulations like guilt.
Babies have no subtlety. Their only setting is “annoying.”

Old people emit foul odors but you can pretend to ignore them.
Babies emit disgusting smells but you have to call them cute.

Old people tell lame stories that go on forever but are easily tuned out.
Babies make stupid babbling noises that are not as cute as their parents think.

Old people take lots of pills, some of which are totally worth stealing.
Babies are never on the hard stuff. They just drive people to it.

Old people are going to die soon.
Babies have their whole pointless lives ahead of them.