DailyCandy sucks. If you’re lucky enough not to know what that is, it’s this corny daily email newsletter that clues you in to what’s “hip” in the city you live in. But since like 12 bajillion people get this email, it’s not so much about what’s new and cool as it is about what’s already over because the whole fucking world knows about it. This is the kind of email newsletter that tells you about Magnolia Bakery and tries to act like it’s the new big thing instead of something that’s overpriced, always full of tourists, and wasn’t even cool two years ago. If I want that, I’ll just read the New York Times Styles section. Also, the newsletter always has some picture of some annoying-looking “cool” girl, who is probably some hack artist’s idea of what is cool but just wears clothes left over from the Sex and the City set. It’s like if you tried to dress like a Sex and the City character but bought all your clothes at Contempo Casuals.
Wait, I’m getting distracted. The REAL point of this blog isn’t to make fun of annoying women who think Carrie Bradshaw is a role model, it’s to make fun of their children. Because there’s nothing brain-dead trend whores like better than spawning to make themselves feel important, DailyCandy also has a kids’ edition. Because what your kid really needs is a $500 haircut or a $2,000 snowsuit. Here’s a sample email from them:
They could have knocked you over with a feather when your babe emerged a blue-eyed blonde.
But her penchant for stylish togs made it clear she was your child.
So head on over to Feather Baby, where you can stock up on modern pieces for the baby set. Made of Peruvian pima cotton, the line runs the gamut from smock dresses to long johns for kiddies under 2.
There’s no upchuck of pale pink and baby blue here; rich hues and subtle prints mean they can be worn by either sex (three cheers for hand-me-downs). And reasonable price tags justify the cuteness (eat your heart out Phillip Lim and Marc Jacobs).
Expect to get the stink eye on the playground since your kid will be the best dressed.
Just consider it the feather in your cap.
Available online at featherbaby.com.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go eat Magnolia cupcakes until I barf.