six annoying new humans born in new york

Some people in Queens had sextuplets (that’s six little monsters if you’re keeping track at home) in October. And it’s not enough for local papers to report on people who have a whole army of rugrats as if it’s news or something, they have to do stupid followups. Today’s Daily News had an article about the exciting news that the little mutants now have names. The four boys are named Justin, Joel, Jadon, and Jezreel, and the two girls are named Danelia and Genesis. I’m totally confused. Did they decide to go with J names and think Genesis counted as a G? But then how does that explain Danelia? And what the hell kind of name is Jezreel? It’s not like there’s a shortage of boy names that start with J, just ask the Duggars. They have an older kid named Jhancarlos. You know Michelle Duggar is pissed she didn’t think of that one first.

Here’s the best thing from the otherwise dumb and pointless article – for the past three months, while the parents had to think up all those names, the kids were just known as A, B, C, D, E, and F. If Josie and I refer to babies as nicknames people send us hate mail and get all touchy, but it’s totally cool to refer to your kids as initials because it was too hard to think of actual names? And then the newspaper does an article about you as if you did something special, when all you did was pop out a bunch of babies? Congratu-fricking-lations.

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6 responses to “six annoying new humans born in new york

  1. Someone I know was named “baby girl” (yes, officially – her parents couldn’t decide on a name) until she was like 5 or something, when the govt. insisted she needed a name. What, after all this time, did the family decide on? The mother’s name.

  2. Please, please post more on this blog. I can’t get enough of this. I keep peeking on the site hoping to see more, more, more. You are just a tease…new hilarious bit only every few days. Daily! I need daily child loathing tidbit.
    Your fans are clamoring!

  3. In medical malpractice cases where they screw up the oxygen or whatever and cripple the babies for life or kill them, the babies are always named “Twin A” and “Twin B.” :-)

  4. I was “Baby Girl” for 4 days until my parents decided on a name, after 5 kids before me, I guess they didn’t have the energy to think about what to call me. Finally they settled on a sort of mash-up of both of their first names. Trust me, I have a normal sounding name; I didn’t end up being named “Kelljoe” or “Elizallan”or something scary like that.

  5. I resent the comparison of babies to puppies. Puppies are a magical gift from Happy Unicorn Rainbowland, and a litter of babies is GROSS. Nipple ratio, people! You only have as many kids as you’re able to feed! EW EW EW.

  6. I hope these parents aren’t going to be sucked into being a pair of entitlemoos. First rule for city residents who have a new baby or a multiple birth: Be a PNB(that is, parent not breeder.).

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