cross the four seasons off the zagat list

Those of you who live and/or work in midtown are probably used to loud screeching noises and crying brats. But there was an unusually high amount of noise centered around East 52nd Street yesterday, so we went over in disguise to find out what was going on.

To our horror, yesterday, Aug. 15th, was “Children’s Day” at hallowed NYC institution The Four Seasons. Here’s what New York magazine had to say:

Since it’s never too early to cultivate a taste for expense-account dining or mid-century-modern design, The Four Seasons has declared August 15 Children’s Day, which means tykes and teens from ages 5 through 14 can eat for free at the “Almost Grown Up Luncheon” in the Pool Room or the “Junior Executives Dinner” in the Grill. Two children per adult, and don’t dare ask for a kids’ menu.

Yeah, it’s never too early to teach kids how to be douchebag executives or ladies who lunch. After all, they’re going to grow up to be just like mommy and daddy, right?

Can’t there be any things that are reserved just for grownups? Kids don’t need fucking “mommy and me” spa treatments or virgin cocktails. When I was a little kid I watched my mom get ready to go out somewhere fancy with my dad and dreamed about getting to do the same thing one day. Little did I know that now there’s no point in growing up because now kids are treated like mini-adults, even though they act like babies. You can give your precious snowflake an expensive meal, but she still might throw a tantrum at dinner or say that the foie gras is gross. It’s OK to make shit not be kid friendly.

We would totally boycott the Four Seasons, but we could never afford to go there in the first place.


2 responses to “cross the four seasons off the zagat list

  1. Just dropped into your site, via the advice goddess Amy Alkon, to answer your question:

    No. There is no place safe from our children.

    On one hand, I find something touching about your Quixotic efforts to hold back the tide of children. On the other, I smirk to think that you haven’t a chance. We are a force of nature. You are that crotchety old man yelling at everyone to stay off his lawn, minus a few wrinkles and the sans-a-belt pants pulled up to his chest.

    You will end your days in a rest home, submitting to daily bouts of rage over our visiting grandchildren and great grandchildren. You will complain that they make too much noise, and the Nurses won’t care because they are too busy cooing over our cute little poppets to change your diaper, let alone listen to your rants. The only time people will talk to you is when you bury your seething hatred long enough to feign interest in the exploits of their grandkids.

  2. “We are a force of nature.”

    So this gives you the excuse to be discourteous? I can’t speak for these ladies, only myself, but that’s really all I ask. There are places that are appropriate for kids (science museums, the park, Friendly’s) and places that aren’t (restaurants without kids’ menus, sex shops, bars, Madonna concerts – yes! Some idiot brought their 6-year-old to Saturday’s show!). There seem to be no boundaries or places for adults to be adults with other adults any more. And sometimes we get tired of hearing about your damn kids, so have something else to talk about.

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