take back the internet, no! take back the island, yes!

Now that Keith Gessen is even making fun of “Keith Gessen”–oh so meta, oh so played–you’d think that would stop tbti from jumping on the bandwagon. But we love to beat a dead horse. Especially when we imagine the horse is a baby or Keith Gessen.

Anyhow, we’d like to add Gessen to our list of public enemies. Not because of All the Sad Young Literary Men, which was actually quite good and at least the characters in that can’t prolong a successful relationship so there’s no need to worry about reading about loin-rot. But now, Gessen, we’ve come for you because you’ve decided to “TAKE BACK THE INTERNET.”‘

Putting aside the lack of an original title for this campaign, the internet, really? Of all the horrors facing the world today–Darfur, racism, sexism, babies–Keith, you feel the need to go after the internet. It’s all because those mean mean commenters on Gawker are hurting your feelings, isn’t it?

Not content to leave this discussion on the internet where it belongs , Keith has decided to throw a big N+1 party for his initiative. How this will help “TAKE BACK THE INTERNET”, I know not.  I imagine it will result in one big sissy hand slapping fight, like the fight between Adrien Broudy and the Butterscotch Stallion in the Darjeeling Limited.  But, I worry and I object to this gathering. It’s Brooklyn. It’s bloggers (and commenters).  So, not only will there surely be hip parents and probably a few strollers. There will also be the next generation of hip parents, meeting, mingling, and planting the seeds of their impending crotchfruit.  Deep within the sea of $30 flea market tees and $300 vintage dunks, the next Amy Sohn will meet the next Neal Pollack. The breading will begin and the universe will be sucked into an enormous black hole of hipster parenting with only a giant stroller left to mark what was once Brooklyn and what was once our island.

In other words, team tbti is protesting Gessen’s campaign. You just might see us out on Jay Street Friday night handing out the nuva-ring underneath our Gargamel banner.

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