Scientologists harass you in the Times Square subway station.
Babies will harass you anywhere they can think of.
Scientologists have tests to see how stressed you are.
Babies just make you stressed.
Scientologists believe that an evil overlord named Xenu trapped thetans in our bodies.
Babies are evil, and until they are born they are trapped in their mothers’ bodies.
Scientologists have an elite group called the Sea Org that is reserved only for their most devoted members.
Babies have playgroups, and think they’re entitled to all public space.
Scientologists attracts celebrities and random crazies.
Babies are treated like celebrities by their parents and drive everyone crazy.
Scientologists claim to be able to cure homosexuality, obesity, and career failure.
Babies cause obesity and career failure. Lucky homosexuals don’t have to worry about birth control.