what to do when a baby rolls into a bar


  • Discuss how you much you love the NuvaRing and ask parents if they would like a free sample.
  • Engage in the most convenient and inappropriate illegal behavior available. I recomend nunchuck fighting.
  • Ask parents if you can hide your stash in the kid’s diaper in case the bar gets raided again. 
  • Mention how you read this great website called Take Back the Island.
  • Ask parents if child was an accident, since only people stupid enough to get knocked up would take a baby to a bar
  • Lock child in the cleaning supply closet.
  • Call CPS.
  • Stand outside the bar and pretend to be a bouncer. Tell parents that they can come in but the child must stay outside.
  • Switch baby bottle with bourbon bottle. Wait for hilarity to ensue.
  • Ask parent if you can hold baby. Give baby to bartender and ask him if he has a blender and knows how to make a dead baby cocktail–on the rocks of course.
  • Order flaming shot. Stand near child and lose grip.
  • Sit the parents down and have a heart-to-heart about the appropriate way to raise a child and how their choices not to keep the child caged deeply offend you.
  • Leave.

3 responses to “what to do when a baby rolls into a bar

  1. The fifth make me laugh .

  2. I cannot believe that people bring little kids into a bar! I mean….C’mon! 21 years and older, people!!

    Fake IDs won’t even work in this case!

    For the love of God, what is happening to our world? Has every parent’s brain been reduced to mush??!!

  3. People who bring their little kids into a bar should either be sterilized or barred from entering with a kid and redirected to a family restaurant. They should also be arrested for disturbing the peace! Hell if I had kids, I wouldn’t even set foot inside of a bar. I’d leave them at home or order take out and do my fellow residents a favor by actually being a parent(one of those rare white creatures who actually knows to avoid places meant for adults.)drowning in a sea of entitlemoos and sanctamommies.

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