psa: take us seriously but not too seriously

On September 10th, 2007, we posted my all time favorite dead baby joke.  Well, in light of the fact that someone  has now actually microwaved a child, we’d like to interrupt our regularly scheduled baby hating for an important announcement. Please take us seriously, but not too seriously.

We intend for this post to be read by every commenter included in our “happy valentines day from people who hate us” roundup. But not Jeff, who we’d totally make out with… and with whom we would do lots of other sex acts that don’t lead to procreation. (God bless the NuvaRing)!

To help everyone who isn’t as cool as Jeff learn to interpret our site. Here’s a handy guide to our features:

  • “Babies vs. Something Better”: We mean every word of every single one of these posts. We really do think babies are worse than Paris Hilton.
  • “Manifestas”:  For all your Losties, we think of our manifestas as “pure canon.” We swear by these missives and one day we plan to write them on lambskin and petition the Smithsonian.  Hating babies just might be as old as procreating.
  • “In the news” & “Quoted”: Hell yeah. If people are dumb or smart enough to do this shit we can’t help but agree, disagree, or mock. In other news, we hate Park Slope.
  • “Survival Guides”: think about them like the Zombie Survival Guide, except when was the last time you saw a kid and when was the last time you saw a zombie? Just saying.
  • “Dead Baby Jokes”: If “joke” is in the title, that just might be a clue how to interpret it.
  • “Offenses”: Kids are offensive and have dangerous rash causing kid dander. Beware of kids and the bad parenting associated with them.

In closing, we’d like to give the last word to Bob Saget:


One response to “psa: take us seriously but not too seriously

  1. This shout out has made my week!

    I will, however, have to limit our sex acts to making out (and possibly a little over the shirt action). I’ve found that having sex exclusively with other men happens to be a highly effective way to avoid pregnancy.

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