Old people moan quietly.
Babies shriek at the top of their lungs.
Old people employ sophisticated emotional manipulations like guilt.
Babies have no subtlety. Their only setting is “annoying.”
Old people emit foul odors but you can pretend to ignore them.
Babies emit disgusting smells but you have to call them cute.
Old people tell lame stories that go on forever but are easily tuned out.
Babies make stupid babbling noises that are not as cute as their parents think.
Old people take lots of pills, some of which are totally worth stealing.
Babies are never on the hard stuff. They just drive people to it.
Old people are going to die soon.
Babies have their whole pointless lives ahead of them.