What’s the logic behind the cutesy onesie? Was some guy sitting around one day bemoaning the fact that no one would listen to him so he decided to tack a message onto his kid’s chest? I bet so. Because we have yet to see a onesie that wasn’t overcompensating for some adult insecurity. After a careful study of the onesies, TBTI has identified the common adult insecurities that manifest via onesie.
The “I’m still hip” onesies, also know as the Neal Pollack onesies:
also seen in the classic rock manifestation:
Translation: Next year, the kid gets a Ramones t-shirt and an iPod.
The ex-riot grrrrl onesies:
Translation: Just because I stopped kissing girls and married an Investment Banker doesn’t mean my baby and I don’t fight against the patriarchy.
The local, organic, sustainable onesie:
Translation: My existance is bad for the enviroment and I will waste tons of plastic for the next ten years but at least my mom drives thousands of extra miles to feed me organic food.
The political onesie:
Translation: I won’t donate time or money but I am raising my kid to be political and stuff.
We’re just scratching the surface with these. For every dumb reason to have a kid comes a stupid onesie. What’s your favorite?
Ours is “future lawn mulch,” but for some reason they don’t sell that one at any of the baby stores near us. They also don’t carry “slightly better than a purse dog.” Hmm. Wonder why.