even the new york times wants to take back the island

park slope

We’ve long thought Park Slope not worth saving, what with the babies, strollers, and “feminists” who buy books about how “empowering” it is being stay-at-home moms. We try not to go there and when we do we wear one of those SARS masks from 2002 so they can’t infect us. But even we couldn’t avoid this, front and center of the Real Estate section of the Times was an article on “The Park Slope Parent Trap.” Listen to these disgusting details about what goes on there during the day:

on where they hang:
“If the cafes, restaurants and coffee shops on Fifth and Seventh Avenues were one high school cafeteria, each mommy clique would have its own table. The cool moms spent time at the Tea Lounge (837 Union Street), the nerdy ones at Barnes & Noble (267 Seventh Avenue), and the cheerleader mothers — the ones who could still smile brightly with only two hours of sleep — were at the Connecticut Muffin (171 Seventh Avenue).”

on breast feeding at Two Boots (ewwww):
“[There] were three mothers, nursing their babies. And even though there were just three of them, they managed to take up 29 of the surrounding tables, with their strollers, diaper bags, baby carriers and swaddling blankets. One woman had her shirt completely unbuttoned, her pretty pink, lacey maternity bra on display. Another had one breast lopped over the top of her tank top. The third had twins. She wasn’t wearing a shirt — or a bra for that matter — just a hoodie sweatshirt unzipped with a baby at each breast. She walked around the restaurant with them in her arms, her body swaying in a comforting dance.”

We would write more but we just vomited a bit in our mouths. Ugh.

Although Brooklyn doesn’t technically fall under the jurisdiction of TBTI, we find it every bit as loathsome as the Upper West Side. However, once the Times says something is fashionable, that’s a good sign it’s on the way out. See you fuckers at the Gowanus Yacht Club.

The whole mockworthy article is here, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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