Vicodin makes you less tense.
Babies make you more tense– all the time.
Vicodin is good when you chase it with vodka.
Babies being chased with vodka means someone calls CPS.
Vicodin fits handily in your purse.
Babies don’t fit into your purse or your lifestyle.
Vicodin makes you warm and tingly.
Babies cause gut-wrenching pain.
Vicodin is good at helping you sleep.
If you have a baby, only suffocating it will help you sleep.
Too much Vicodin and you get a nice vacation at Promises in Malibu.
Too many kids and all you get is a snarkworthy special on the Discovery Health Channel.