take back the island–long island edition

Don’t be fooled by summer. Just because you might have a chance to get out of the city, it doesn’t mean you’re safe. Beware: Manhattan mommies and their dastardly offspring travel too. And while “the Hamptons” might seem like an escape for some, it’s not for us.  We’ve made it clear that babies should get the hell off of our island, and that Long Island is an acceptable repository for them. However, bad parenting and annoying kids are not welcome anywhere. Case in point:


Witness the offense that occurred in Amagansett at the once cultishly relaxing Hampton Chutney Company. A takebacktheisland operative reports that after receiving her dosa and sitting down beneath a tree, she was accosted by a child. Said child stood in front of our operative and screamed “MOVE!”

A parent soon appeared, and instead of apologizing, the parent not-so-subtly reiterated their brat’s demand. “I’m sorry, but he wants to climb the tree.” [Note: we seriously doubt whether the parent was actually sorry.] While there were two other chairs nearby, apparently said operative’s chair was the only chair perfect for the tree adventure. Our operative moved and, without the slightest hint of gratitude, the child and parent took to the tree. We wish we could report that it fell, but… no.

Later in the day our operative was struck with violent nausea. Some might claim food poisoning, but we know better.


One response to “take back the island–long island edition

  1. Man, that kid’s eyes are suspiciously close together. Looks like he’s fallen out of the ugly tree a few times, hitting his bratty white ass on every branch on the way down.

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