Baby Vs. Snake

To round out the week, Take Back the Island wants to introduce our Friday feature–baby vs.something better. It’s the best contest where there’s always a clear winner and no one roots for the underdog. This week thanks to this YouTube video, it’s baby vs. snake.

Snakes eat mice and other rodents.
Babies are rodents.

Snakes’ skin can be used to make cute shoes and handbags.
Babies’ skin is too soft and untextured.

Snakes come in many sizes and colors.
Babies only come in one variety: annoying

Egyptians worshiped snakes.
Only yuppies worship babies.

Snakes on a Plane was a kickass movie.
Baby Geniuses sucked.

If you’re on a plane and yell “get these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane!” people will laugh
If you yell “get these motherfucking babies off this motherfucking plane” people will get mad

Britney Spears looked hot when she danced with a snake
Britney does not look hot when photographed with her baby

Snakes have rattles to warn you they’re coming
Babies have rattles to annoy you in public places

The Paula Abdul song “Cold Hearted Snake” is awesome
The Mariah Carey song “Always Be Your Baby” is lame


One response to “Baby Vs. Snake

  1. you forgot:

    one of the all time great movie characters: Snake Plisken
    one of the all time worst movie characters: Baby from Dirty Dancing

    and leave “always be my baby” alone…

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