lifetime achievement award: debbie rowe

As anybody who has heard the song “Gold Digger” knows, plenty of women try to get knocked up by a rich famous dude so they can child support money. Some people are stupid and have babies with Bobby Brown and K-Fed, and some women are smart and have babies with Tiger Woods or that French guy Salma Hayek had a baby with.

But a special tbti “I had this kid even though I don’t like it just because I like money” award has to go to Debbie Rowe, a.k.a. Michael Jackson’s kids’  mom. Everybody forgot about her for awhile because Michael was being all weird and hanging a baby from a window and stuff, but now that he’s dead Debbie is all over the place. Here are some of her best quotes:

• “Because you give birth and impregnate someone does not automatically give you the title of mother or father you earn the title.”
• “My kids don’t call me mom because I dont want them to. They are Michael’s children. Its not that they’re not my children, but I had them because I wanted him to be a father.”
• “I am telling you that he is the most brilliant father. Almost before the baby needed something, he knew what it was. And that’s not for me.”
• “If it hadn’t been for how much I love him and because of our relationship, I would never have had children.”

This woman is a genius. She has the kids, gets the payout, AND doesn’t actually have to raise them. It’s an even better deal than that chick who was a surrogate mom for SJP and Ferris Bueller. It would almost be worth being pregnant for that kind of cash.